Jeans, Jeans Everywhere but Which Ones do I Pick?

I own exactly three pairs of jeans. 1 pair of distressed skinny boyfriends by 7 for all mankind, 1 pair of super skinny Kenneth Cole Reactions and finally a pair of J. Crew boyfriends. I want to clarify that by distressed I mean a few holes, but they are all patched, no skin peek-a-boo holes. Since when did jeans become so naked. Yesterday I was in a Banana Republic and a girl walked in wearing a pair of black jeans with large rips at the knee and calf. I could see her entire leg. The holes gaped so big she might as well have been wearing a bathing suit. I don't understand! I freak out when my Kenneth Cole's ride too low. In fact I only ever wear those jeans with my oversize tees that hang right over my butt just in case my Hanky Panky's come into view. And, yet there in the middle of a shop a girl was wearing 'jeans' but was pretty much naked. When did distress denim become something to cause distress! 

On the train home I picked up some fashion magazines and had a flip through. Inside my eyes were drawn to an article on the new denim trend, patchwork. I know all fashions tend to resurface but I was hoping the nineties would stay away. First there was the repeat of mom jeans and now patchwork. What is the world of fashion coming to that we are reusing trends that should never have been trends in the first place?

I really don't understand it, and yet I am strangely drawn to it! Fashion does weird things to a person. To me patchwork badges are best suited to a back pack of some grungy teen not the legs of a pair of designer jeans. 

What am I missing here? The cut of the jeans looks bad, the rips look bad, even the colour is bad. How is this a trend that is being ogled at and adorned over? Isn't it just bad taste. Which brings into question when does bad taste circle back around and become good taste again? Does taking something completely tacky and selling it at high prices mean it's suddenly stylish? 

I thought jeans were hard enough to buy with the multiple fittings, but now there is multiple styles completely throwing me. What should jeans be? I've always made sure to have a dress up and a dress down pair. One to wear for a casual dinner and one to wear when you want to run around London shopping! Now brings into question should I have an extra pair for 'trend'? What is the occasion that you would need or it would be appropriate to wear a pair of sequinned jeans stating to bow down? For me I think never! So I am just going to sit this one out!