How can I be a Writer, without BEING a Writer?

We have just had tax season here in Canada, and like so many things, it sucks! You get your net income up on screen, and think where did all that money go? Then you see the amount you owe, and think where the Heck I am supposed to get that amount from? 

I embarked on this year as being the year I pursued my dreams with gusto! It began with sending my novel off to a publisher, sending out shorter pieces to journals, and embarking on my second novel. It all began so well! Then April 30th hit and you think.... where is this going? I sit at my desk at every free moment, all day on Tuesdays and I write... but for what? I have no guarantee anything is going to be published, and if it is, will anyone buy it? Writing is my passion. I have characters and stories in my head all the time, and they push to come out. If I don't let them out I become a very grumpy woman. However, when I have a great writing day, and then look at my bank account I become that grumpy (sometimes terrified) woman anyway. 

There are so many hopes and aspirations built up when thinking about a career in writing. Firstly, my dreams are realized. Secondly, my ambition of becoming a uni/college professor also become attainable. These are great visions, and could possibly stabilize my income. But, there is that looming fact, constantly present... what if I don't get published? What if no one likes my writing, and no one invests in my voice? Then what? I end up broke, homeless, and without a career. Sure it's pessimistic, but isn't it also realistic?

Then you have the other end of the scale. I quit. I say to myself "no this is unattainable" and I pack up my stories and stop writing. I fill my days instead with a 'normal'/ non creative job where I can rely on a steady income. Sure I won't follow my dreams, sure I may become depressed, and I probably won't ever make a 'good income', but it will be stable. 

Both plans have their pros and their cons, but which is the right one to pursue. It's the age old question of what am I meant to be doing with my life, to write or not to write that is the question? 

Without guarantee there is always a risk, and without risk what sort of boring life are you living. I was always brought up with my sister and brother-in-law pushing me to do what I love. I love to write, but when does a dream go too far? How low can a bank account drop before you call it a day? 

I have spent the day struggling with this question. I couldn't focus on my current novel, and so I turned to a short story. It's dark. It's crime. It's like nothing I have ever written before... but is that fate/God's way of telling me what to do. Don't panic. The words will always come, and hopefully... someday... so will the pay cheque. 

A Publication!

So it has taken a while, but back in January, along with my novel I sent out two pieces to various journals for publication, and low and behold in March I received my first YES! 

This year 2018 was about becoming published, about letting go of my fears and letting my writing go. It was a BIG step as I am such a chicken about it but here it is! 

This was a piece I finished back at University and I recently rewrote it for fun. 

A TEMPESTUOUS PURCHASE


Click on the above link, and if you like it leave a message!!

My Writers Fest

This week has been completely awesome. I have had such an unbelievably eye opening experience. Over the week I  have attended 8 events of all different genres, and I have bought countless books and gotten them all signed! Every minute has brought new insights and a new sense of excitement at this amazing literary world. My husband said earlier, "every night, after these events she's like a six year old whose just drunk a bottle of pop!" This was the world I set out to find at Oxford, and although the experience there was amazing and I learnt so much, (and found a husband) I lost the passion I once had for books, storytelling and the journey imaginations can take you on. This week has reopened my eyes, re-birthed my passion for the world of literature as it were. It is something I had lost and was worried I would not find again. I though perhaps all the critical analysis had killed the part of me that so enjoyed breaking open a new book, or discovering a new author, and just being in that moment with them. 

Listening to the likes of Sarah Dunant, someone who is so immersed in her world you cannot help but be sucked into her imagination as she reads, and discusses her characters. (I could literally sit and listen to her talk all day). Laughing out loud at people's views of sex and love in our social media society with Karen Connolly and Tom Perrotta on Monday literally had me in stitches. The journey to the North with Ed O'Loughlin and his fellow panelist gave me a new area to explore in my imagination, one I had never really considered before. These are just a few of the events that have held me enthralled this week. Of course, this evening could be the most eye opening of all as I hear the legend that is Margaret Atwood speak. 

Literature is just such an amazing place to be. I wish I could read all day everyday and never encounter reality. It is so nice to be back in that mind-set. It was one I grew up in and lost somewhere along my route to academia. This week and this festival has brought it back to me. 

Thank you Vancouver Writer's Festival for bringing such an amazing lineup of speakers to the city!

Accidental AMAZING Day!

Have you ever had a day that everything just slots perfectly into place and its amazing? Today was that day! 

It began with a parking spot... if anyone has been to Granville Island in Vancouver then you will know parking is a nightmare. Now imagine a Writers Festival where there are multiple sold out events added onto the normal traffic. Everyone was circling! I went to my normal parking lot and it looked full, until I found a tiny, weeny spot hidden behind an SUV! (Wow 1) 

I ran to the venue where two of my favourite authors were reading. I could not get a ticket but I joined the line of people waiting and hoping! At five minutes past the event's scheduled start we were all given seats!! (Wow 2) 

The talk itself was incredible. Sarah Dunant was the most inspiring person to listen too. Such advice and insight. Jennifer Robson was so interesting and funny! It was a great few hours. 

As everyone was leaving I got up the courage and leaped onto the stage to talk to the MC,  I don't want to talk about what happened next yet but... Wow 3 took place. 

I next went into the foyer to get my books signed, and I started by talking to Jennifer Robson, (mum's favourite author also). I mentioned what my mum was currently going through and how books were helping her 'battle the beast'! She instantly grabbed a business card and told me to send her my mums details as she wanted to send her a box of books! (Wow 4)

I moved along to Sarah Dunant... who recognised me from my question I had asked earlier. She then asked me about my book and we had an amazing conversation... my hero and I... just chatting! It was an amazing experience. (Wow 5)

I got back to my car to find a ticket. I had parked 'out of the lines'. When I had originally parked I had not even seen the lines as they were under the car next to mine (who also had a ticket). I was so in awe with what had happened in the venue I didn't really care about the ticket. I did think it was slightly unfair, so when I got to work early I called the dispute line. The ticket was cancelled... when does that ever happen? (Wow 6). 

I proceeded to my afternoon class and BOOM, everyone knew their lines, song lyrics and dances! It was amazing! The students were perfect... perfect pre-schoolers that is an oxymoron almost (Wow 7)! 

Are you getting the picture? A completely accidental day that led to such wonders.... NUTS! 

Stellar Line... Stellar Design!

I am very aware of the disgusting things humans do to animals. I was recently at a race course (not to watch horse racing but for another event (its a long story)) and I ended up witnessing a beautiful young horse fall down dead from a heart attack. Instead of the jockey bending to aid his horse he had a temper tantrum at its death! Humans, in the mass sense are so 'up themselves' they think they have the right to dominate all species. Everyone has seen those hideous videos of people with wild animals kept in houses or large estates as play things, or the gorgeous videos of "hunters" massacring wildlife for sport... it makes me sick, but everyone contributes one way or another. I have tried to be a vegan... the diet almost killed my husband. So we decided instead to be a more conscious household. When we eat meat, (which is rarely and usually only my husband eats it) we go to a sustainable, organic butcher not the supermarket. We only buy cleaning products that are cruelty free and natural. For myself, finding makeup and hygiene products that are in the least cruelty free and at most vegan is something I strive for. 

When Nars Cosmetics recently announced that they were going to begin selling in China I was devastated! I have particularly sensitive skin that reacts to... well everything! Learning that my go to cosmetic company was giving up on its ethics in the name of profit was sickening. Luckily over the last six months I have been wearing less and less makeup. Now my go-to-face contains only four products: blush, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipstick (hormonal times I add concealer to this list). I was comforted by the fact I had a few things left and could spend my time researching what I would replace Nars with.

I wanted something first and foremost, CRUELTY FREE! I don't just mean "final product not tested on animals" but a promise of Cruelty Free. If at all possible I wanted VEGAN. I wanted PARABEN FREE. Also my patriotism is lacking in my makeup bag so... I wanted Canadian! Searching online there was a number of brands I had tried on the vegan front that had not agreed with my skin. Then I found STELLAR. It ticked all my boxes, was available in Vancouver in a store (as apposed to online) and was affordable! 

Today was the day my mascara ran out. I checked Sephora online and found that the Robson Street location had the mascara. This is where things get a little crazy!

I found the Stellar section and grabbed my mascara when a man said, "are you buying that?" I was a little bit confused but spoke in the affirmative. He then said,"I will buy you anything from this range if you buy it!" 😕 I said no that it was OK. I think he realised then I was completely freaked out! He said, "it's OK she's my wife!" And it all made sense. 

We started talking and he asked me how I knew about the products etc, and I said how I loved the fact the whole collection is vegan and doesn't have anything nasty (parabens) in it. He sent the message to Monika Deol... (the Monika Deol... VJ on Much Music and Stellar creator)! He then proceeded to ask me to 'pick a product'! In the end I asked him to pick for me and he selected the lip powder which I am so excited to try! The colours are gorgeous! 

Originally I was sold on the Vegan side of the line. Then I read an article in the newspaper on her products where she answered a question on why they are made in Canada. She said, "It’s important to me because I love this country. It has given my family a life. It’s given me a life I could never have dreamed of anywhere else. I sincerely believe that. To be able to have an all-Canadian product, from manufacturing to branding to photography to models. To be able to create jobs and contribute to the economy. How is it not important? When you manufacture in Canada, the world knows that you have a quality product that will pass all regulators, because Canada has such high standards." BOOM! My sentiments for this amazing country entirely! I was convinced to try it. 

Now I have had this experience! If I needed any other proof to buy from this line I found it. 

I will be telling everyone I know... starting right here to give this brand a try! DO IT! The ethics and heart of the company are in the right place. I, for one hope they are successful on the 'world cosmetic stage' but for now they have a loyal customer in me. 

The Beginning of the End

Back in the UK I had this idea for a short story about a shooting party at a manor house. I wrote during my time at work in the cafe on paper bags and sometimes in a notebook, if I remembered to bring it. It was perhaps 3 pages long when I got married and it got lost. 

Then in January, with New Years Resolutions firmly in place I decided to pick it up again and finish it. Well it grew in length to a novella, and then a bit longer. By March I had realized this could very well be a novel. So I set myself up to reaching 75,000 words. However, life and procrastination got in the way. I formed bad habits: - I would write for a bit and then stop. Then edit what I had written and move it forward a bit more and then stop again. At the start of the summer it had stopped permanently. 

Coming back from our holiday in September I took out my laptop. I had Part 1 and 2, basically half the story. It was not that great and it was far from over, but it was there... waiting. Then life threw me a curveball. I had put all my eggs into the basket of my business and it had failed. Suddenly I had free time, and not much work. That was when TidyBoy told me to write. Now was my chance. The few days a week at my 'main job' would fund writing days, and he believed I had to do it. It was what I dreamed of doing but I always put it off because I felt I had too. Now I just needed to give it a go. See if it worked.

I started by re-editing what I had, making part 1 on its fourth draft (editing for me is a procrastination in itself) and part 2 on its second draft. I finished reading and thought, hey this is alright. Its not brilliant but its ok. That was when my husband set me the 100 Days of Writing challenge. 

Today is Day 15... part 3, 4 and the postscript have been finished. Its in draft one but it is there. Sitting at just over 86,000 words (10,000 over target). 
A real novel!

I haven't finished anything this long.... EVER! I have always wanted to write novels but everything I wrote ended up as short stories or screenplays. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. 

All I know is it is done, and tomorrow we can start the editing process...

Teacher Transitions

I have always struggled with maintaining the "writing zone".  One of my major issues this year has been with keeping myself writing. I have an amazing few days and then I take a day off, and another and then its been like a month since I wrote anything at all! Focus is really not one of my strong suites. My 'day job' has always been something I blamed for breaking the 'flow'. The popular excuse, "Well I did a full day's work today so I'll stick Peaky Blinders on instead!" But there is a direct correlation between the days I don't write anything and the days I spend twice as long getting a few hundred words down. 

The mindset to change this was one of those ridiculously simple ideas that was extremely difficult to implement BUT this weekend was the first successful execution of it. 

I was Gollum... yes you heard me GOLLUM!

Get the picture... I really was talking about the character from Tolkien's books. So what do I mean? 

I mean to get two-faced... sort of...two separate entities living in one body! The Teacher Hannah (Gollum) and the Writer Hannah (Smeagol)! 

When one checks out of work the other one must kick in. 

Now for the hard part... I need to figure out some triggers. Yesterday it was a sweatpants and a cup of sweet tea that brought the words.  Today it was after a hot bath I managed to get a few hundred words completed! 

I am excited to see what happens if I keep this #100daysofWriting as CONTINUOUS days - will the struggle to fill the blank page after a weekend away disappear? Will I finish the book twice as fast?

Let's see shall we?

Doubtful... very Doubtful

Doubt is probably the biggest issue for me when writing. 

I am constantly looking for other things to do because I feel I should be doing them instead of writing. After all, what is writing? Nothing more than a hobby and BOOM there it is. 

The underlying cause of all procrastination. 

It even goes as far as offering more hours at my day job. I say well my shift finishes there, so I have writing time here. But what am I doing using time writing when I could be working and making money? What money can I ever get from writing? BOOM there it is again. 

Complete and utter fear and doubt blocking me at every path.

My husband always gets annoyed at me when we are at an event and meeting new people. We introduce ourselves and I always say, "I'm a teacher". We will then move away from that couple and TidyBoy will tirade me with, "why did you say that?" "Well because I am a teacher." "NO! That's how we pay bills! You are a writer." And my inner voice replies, "yeah right!"

There was one time I did say, "I'm a writer," and the person I said it to almost burst out laughing. "You could try saying it a bit more convincingly!' He said. TidyBoy then informed me that I had practically grimaced and said writer through gritted teeth. 

So what stops me from saying it aloud? What stops me from even saying it in my head?!

There is obviously the fear of failure. When it comes to finding an agent and getting published there are a lot of knock backs, (look at JK Rowling). There is also the doubt that what you write is... well shit! I have 70,454 words down on day 7 of 100 days of writing. What if every single one of them is useless. What if the only person who likes them is my mother... well not my mother because she will definitely have issues with this story's content! (sorry mom). 

Sure I went to Oxford University and studied for a Master in Creative Writing, but what does that mean? It doesn't mean that what I write is good, readable material. It doesn't mean that people will buy it. It doesn't even mean that I will  successfully get an agent. It just means I have a degree. 

What makes you a writer? I think I would feel more comfortable saying it if I had a book deal, but then again I don't know if I will ever be comfortable saying it because its a dream. A lifelong dream and who ever really gets to live out their dream? If you say it aloud it may burst and disappear into a million pieces... right?

Doubt. Doubt has held me back for years and continues to. Doubt also plays a key role in endorsing my procrastination. So how do you ever overcome it? 

... I'll let you know... if it ever happens... if I ever actually write something worthwhile... if...

"You do come across as somewhat... crazy!"

TidyBoy and I are well accustomed to living in Vancouver, BC where buying a house is not an option, and renting is something to stress out about. 

We believe that, (although unfair) we have no right to moan about the situation because... well look at Vancouver... its amazing and we are just lucky enough to be here! 

That aside I am a terrible Craigslist procrastinator. Today for example I wrote 1,243 words and then went onto craigslist for basically an hour and a half looking through properties...oops! 

The above quote comes from my husband, who after finding an amazing listing that had to be enquired about saw me writing a second email to the advert... 

The conversation started with a "I thought you did that already!" and I admitted, in my excitement I hadn't put anything about ourselves, (which the ad asked for). TidyBoy that stood and observed me for a moment before saying, "You have to be careful about these things. At the best of times you come across as somewhat...crazy! The rest of the time you literally are crazy... especially when excited!" 

I am really not offended by what he said. Frankly because it is true! But, when does it become a hinderance? Will these people ever email me back? Only time will tell, but was my overexcitement to blame? Perhaps. 

The bigger question here is: is being someone with a slight exaggeration of the excitement emotion a danger to themselves? Is it a problem being over-excited or is it just endearing? 

Anyway... this was my allowed 'writing' procrastination I will get back to my novel now! 

Day 6 of 100 Days of Writing 

(I was allowed to move the start day back due to my increase in writing at the beginning of last week!)

Newlywed No More

This seems really odd to be back blogging. I haven't done so since just after my marriage to TidyBoy... which is going really well, in case you were wondering! 

Since my last blog we have emigrated back to my home of Vancouver and I have started a business. Those are the formal things... the informal things are little more drastic. My designer wear has mostly been replaced by athletics gear and my heels with walking boots. Its strange to say but this summer I spent the majority of my free time cycling, hiking, kayaking and paddle boarding... what! A good friend said it best when we visited her on Bowen Island during the summer, "What has happened! I was looking for someone in a designer dress and stilettos!" (I was in lululemons and hiking boots). 

Being back in Vancouver has been amazing. This city is the be all and end all of beauty. On a bad day just breathing the air and seeing a mountain peeking out from behind a cloud is enough to clear every doubt you ever had. We are so incredibly happy here and life is going great. My hubby has taken to the West Coast Life exceedingly well, in fact I have been running to catch up with him! My brother-in-law was visiting to him this week and after a discussion on how our summer went he commented, 

"Wow you are so West Coast. You're one step away from wearing Hemp clothing," to which I informed him I had taken that step and my favourite summer t-shirt was hemp! 

We have been doing our upmost to explore every nook and cranny of BC and we are loving it, and the mischief we are getting into doing it...so far... BC is a big province!

When we are not exploring TidyBoy and I are set free on the minds of children, as our day jobs are in the field of "artistic academia"... music and drama teachers! 

In amongst our day jobs I have also started a business.  Imagine That! Tuition 

- I call it a Creative Arts School! -

Our workshops teach creative writing and drama with kids creating their own characters and plots over a semester and performing it for their sometimes baffled parents on the final day! 

It is the best job in the world. Watching these kids imaginations take flight before me is a one of a kind experience and I love it. 

Other than that I think everything is still the same as it always was... who am I kidding nothing is the same as it was, (except my bookish tendencies. Our latest vacation I managed to consume 2 magazines and 2 novels of 500+ pages and a non-fiction book on orcas in 10 days!) 

Life, as it always does has thrown me a curveball and I felt it was the right time to pick up the pen, or the keyboard to be more specific. I suddenly find myself after two years of not writing 15,000 words from finishing my first novel and it is terrifying. Not only that but my schedule has opened itself up to let me pursue writing as a more permanent position. 

Every time I open the laptop and click on THE document my mind fills with doubt, and contention. Am I wasting my time? How do I even know if I am any good? Isn't there better things to do than practicing my hobby? What do I hope to achieve? What will I do when it all fails? What right do I even have to try and be a writer? 

But TidyBoy is always there with a suggestion/bribe, (which is probably why I married him),

"Take it one day at a time... and if you make it to 100 days of writing I will buy you an iwatch"

Here goes nothing... 100 days of writing! 

The Posh Gurl becomes a Honeybun

It has happened... I am officially a Mrs! 

 Mrs. Honeybun

What ever is said about weddings it is the most difficult, stressful, and political time in planning. But none of that matters because on the day itself none of the little stuff matters! It zooms past and you hardly have time to breath!

After an afternoon of running around the village looking for clues on the "Honeybun Hunt" fantastically set up by my family! We went to a village restaurant The Crown and were greeted by all our family and friends for a delicious rehearsal dinner. 

The Outfit: Banana Republic Dress, Coach Heels

Then it was the Big Day...

The Dress: - Astrid and Mercedes 'Lovely' Gown

The Veil: - Vera Wang

The Shoes: - Jimmy Choo

The Bag: - Vintage (my Grandmas)

The Earrings: - Tashi

The Necklace: - Boutique Bought

The Bouquet: 

Peonies and Sweet Peas tied with ribbon and pearl pins

AND THEN IT WAS ALL OVER AND WE WERE OFF TO ITALY!

(Sorry for the bad picture below it's not an official one!)

Outfit: Kate Spade Dress and Jimmy Choo Shoes

Thank you to our amazing photographer: - Martin 

And our awesome videographers Steele & Coe

The Book Review ~ My Brilliant Friend

Ratings: - 5/5

On honeymoon I took three books, but once I started Ferrante that was it. What a commanding voice! A fully absorbing experience from the intriguing opening to the cliffhanger ending. 

The characters are what drives this book. The narrator is compelling to the point where you do not want her to stop talking to you. Yes, she is unreliable. Yes, she is opinionated and bitter but you cannot wait to hear what she has to say next. 

There is not much I can say about plot or storyline without giving major elements away, (especially as I am already on the next instalment and plot lines are blurring)!

Just read it... the publicity around this series is well placed. It is a masterpiece. 

The Book Review ~ Villa America

Rating: 4+/5

I had no idea what Liza Klaussmann's new book was about. After "Tiger's in Red Weather" I saw this on the shelf of my local charity shop and grabbed it especially as it was on honeymoon reading list. However, I started it and then I left it on the shelf and its spine didn't crack until three days ago when I realised it was still unread and the honeymoon was only a week a way. I had been so excited to pick a book to take and fill my Kobo with some delights that I didn't want to take Villa America so I cracked the spine again, and I didn't put it down for the next 72 hours. 

Liza Klaussmann's writing is all absorbing. The characters and the settings just pull you in and they don't let you go until you are done. This particular story I had read before. Post World War 1, Europe and the artists. I had read 'Z' and "The Paris Wife" loving them both. Now was the turn of the Murphy's and their lives during this time and how it interwove with the Fitzgerald's and the Hemmingway's. This beautifully written semi-biopic book about the tragic love triangle of the Murphy's in the first half of the novel. Liza captures the age and the characters with utter perfection. I loved it which makes the last third of the novel so disappointing. 

The writing turns to correspondents among friends as the Murphy's story unravels into chaos. It is interesting, but it seems rushed. As if Klaussmann ran out of space and needed to close everything down. It got the job done. As in it closed the book down, but it lost its power. 

THEN, she pulled it all back with the most phenomenal ending that just broke your heart! The mystery trip that the characters continually mention during the heartbreaking times is finally revealed, and it is worth the wait. Klaussmann pulled it back from the brink and the rough middle part was forgotten. I just cannot wait to get her next book! 

It all Begins!

I cannot believe this is happening! The countdown has officially begun! 
In TEN DAYS time I will be getting married!

 After chatting to my work colleagues about not having a Hen Night my amazing manager put together a great night with wine tasting at Love Wine in Woodstock, a delicious dinner at the Woodstock Arms,  then a bottle of prosecco in the King's Arms and cocktails closing down the crown! 
A true Woodstock Village Hen Night!  Thank you Ladies!

It was the first event so what did I wear?

Outfit ~ Pedlum Dress by Maurie & Eve with LK Bennet Black Heels

Makeup ~ Laura Mercier Mineral Powder, Nars Blush and highlighter, Laura Mercier Mascara and Blake Lively Loreal Lipstick.

Special Thank You to Cyrus Mower for photographing the Wine Tasting

The Posh Gurl Rewrites

Firstly, I want to thank everyone for their emails. I received messages from friends and strangers and I am happy to say that despite the upset I won't give up just yet! 

Thanks to specific friends who reminded me that what I write is my art, and like art it is easily subjective. Therefore, what you think could be a personal attack is instead a social observation. Please don't take what I write personally. My blog is not my diary it's my art form. If you don't like it you should probably just not read it! 

Just for ABK I will repeat myself with her favourite line. Life is always ready to give you lemons, and its up to the individual to turn them into lemonade... not the annoying Beyonce kind but the yummy refreshing drink kind!

Wedding Dilemma Deepens...

Apparently taking life onto a blog and letting it all out doesn't work in real life. Carrie Bradshaw can write endlessly about her sex life and bad relationships without any sort of comeback. Me, I write about the cultural  pressures of planning and living the perfect wedding and it bites me in the ass! Maybe its just the British ... they don't understand blogging and its rules. Maybe its just the fact people read what they want to read without seeing a point being made. I don't know what it is, but its close to censoring me out. 

After a hardcore Pilates reformer class and a bar of Galaxy chocolate I took it to the amazing ABK for advice! She calls for a clarification rather than a retraction so that is what this is. A "Clarification" for all those who need it in S I M P L E terms. What I was trying to get across in yesterdays post was cultural pressure and how it can take a perfect day and make it disappointing. How reality is completely skewed  by media representation. You don't need a Vivienne Westwood wedding dress to be a beautiful bride. You don't need the plaza hotel in New York for the perfect reception. Even though we know these facts we still let the reality of not having those things effect our reflection on the day, and  it can make us crazy with disappointed and ungratefulness. I am not saying everything will be perfect, (I once went to a wedding where the bride cried because the tablecloth on the desert table was ivory and not white) nothing ever is that is not what life's about, but it is the cultural expectation that it should be perfect that drives the bridal unrest, the ungrateful lashings out and the unhappiness. Instead, as brides we should just look at the day and all the preparation and pre-events and go, "Yes, this is not a clipping from Bridal Magazine, but I love him and this is what it's all about". Another amazing lady I am honoured to call my friend told me at the start of the wedding prep, right after we got engage to always keep in mind that this is about the marriage and not the wedding. 

So, going back to yesterdays post. It was a blog written to comment on the social pressure of wedding planning, and how the 'dream' of things put in your mind with movies, books and magazines actually gets in the way of you being super happy with what is objectively a great situation. No malice, no back-stabbing, just a cultural observation with a bit of real life thrown in. Hopefully this post will CLARIFY what I was getting at, and ease the mind of some readers who took offence. 

P.S. I will not be censored so if your offended get used to it or stop reading cause The Posh Gurl ain't gonna stop writing! 

Expecting the World and Getting ... Not Much

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UNFORTUNATELY THIS BLOG HAS BEEN CENSORED



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Jeans, Jeans Everywhere but Which Ones do I Pick?

I own exactly three pairs of jeans. 1 pair of distressed skinny boyfriends by 7 for all mankind, 1 pair of super skinny Kenneth Cole Reactions and finally a pair of J. Crew boyfriends. I want to clarify that by distressed I mean a few holes, but they are all patched, no skin peek-a-boo holes. Since when did jeans become so naked. Yesterday I was in a Banana Republic and a girl walked in wearing a pair of black jeans with large rips at the knee and calf. I could see her entire leg. The holes gaped so big she might as well have been wearing a bathing suit. I don't understand! I freak out when my Kenneth Cole's ride too low. In fact I only ever wear those jeans with my oversize tees that hang right over my butt just in case my Hanky Panky's come into view. And, yet there in the middle of a shop a girl was wearing 'jeans' but was pretty much naked. When did distress denim become something to cause distress! 

On the train home I picked up some fashion magazines and had a flip through. Inside my eyes were drawn to an article on the new denim trend, patchwork. I know all fashions tend to resurface but I was hoping the nineties would stay away. First there was the repeat of mom jeans and now patchwork. What is the world of fashion coming to that we are reusing trends that should never have been trends in the first place?

I really don't understand it, and yet I am strangely drawn to it! Fashion does weird things to a person. To me patchwork badges are best suited to a back pack of some grungy teen not the legs of a pair of designer jeans. 

What am I missing here? The cut of the jeans looks bad, the rips look bad, even the colour is bad. How is this a trend that is being ogled at and adorned over? Isn't it just bad taste. Which brings into question when does bad taste circle back around and become good taste again? Does taking something completely tacky and selling it at high prices mean it's suddenly stylish? 

I thought jeans were hard enough to buy with the multiple fittings, but now there is multiple styles completely throwing me. What should jeans be? I've always made sure to have a dress up and a dress down pair. One to wear for a casual dinner and one to wear when you want to run around London shopping! Now brings into question should I have an extra pair for 'trend'? What is the occasion that you would need or it would be appropriate to wear a pair of sequinned jeans stating to bow down? For me I think never! So I am just going to sit this one out!

The Best Shopping Excuse Ever

I am a shopaholic. I wouldn't call myself Becky Bloomwood... perhaps during my early twenties! Now however, I know my style and there is nothing I love more than indulging. 

Over lent I purged my closet and now have a very minimal set of clothes. Mostly it is Lululemon sweaters, Banana Republic skirts and shirts, and a pair of 7 for Mankind jeans! ~ For work there is a pair of Michael Kors pants and a two 10 by Crosby tops, (both of which will meet the bin when I leave in July as they are pretty much covered in coffee stains)! ~  I loved purging my closet. It was the nicest feeling walking into our local Blue Cross Charity shop and handing it all over... a full car load to be exact. It was an amazing feeling. The minimalism of my closet has really helped me hone in on what I love and what I hate. On my days off I enjoy getting girly. My pleated Banana skirts with a nice fitting shirt is great for a lunch, but if I am feeling more casual I grab jeans with one of my long sleeve t-shirts, (I bought two gorgeous ones from Nordstroms by B when I was home). 

Living in the UK has definitely upped my enjoyment of winter clothes... there really is not much else to wear as you are pretty much in them 24/7 10 months of the year! So as I unpacked my summer closet from its winter hibernation spot I realised just how low my summer supplies had fallen. One very basic bikini, three tank tops, two t-shirts, a cardigan and three dresses was supposed to see me through a honeymoon in the south of Italy and then a move to Vancouver in August (where FYI they do get a summer)! So with that in mind... and to stop myself from splurging too much I wrote a list of what was needed. What the purge had taught me about my style was that I needed something casual to match the tops with a few girly extras to pad out the extra days. I would need Banana Republic, J Crew, Anthropologie and of course Victoria Secret, (what Honeymoon would be complete without a sexy bikini). Cross referencing this ideal with the knowledge that there would be two additional outfits to acquire for the wedding, (rehearsal dinner and morning after) I had it down packed. Exactly what I needed and the best shopping excuse ever!

I AM THE BRIDE!

Let's be serious about this. When one shops it is incredibly easy to fall into shoppers remorse. Especially when buying a number of outfits. Surely one dress can fulfil the purpose of three. If I get just this one I can wear it out over the summer. What is summer anyway it is over in two-three months! We have all been there. I fall into that state too. My sister taught me to shop. My mother taught me to feel guilty about it. Hence the best shopping excuse ever! Call me old fashioned but I plan to get married once. Remaining married to this one TidyBoy for the rest of my life. So when else can I grab my best walking shoes, jump on a train and blow some serious cash on the streets of London! Am I right?

When I returned from London the guilt did come into play, but it was easily averted. I had an excuse. I had a reason to shop. However, to ease the guilt I put in a stipulation. Everything I bought has remained in the wrapping paper, in their bags on the bed of our spare room, (except the dresses which are hung in a garment bag on the back of the spare room door to avoid creasing). Guilt avoided. Everything was bought for a purpose and shall remain unworn until that purpose has come into play. Which is in two very long weeks at the moment! I am Juliet rolling around on her bed lusting after Romeo talking about dresses... except I am lusting after dresses and not Romeo, (sorry TidyBoy).  This wedding cannot come quicker. My heritage denim Banana Republic shorts and floppy Anthropologie hat call to me daily from the gap under the spare room door. I can smell the scent of new cotton leaking from its garment bag... we won't even go into the leather of the new Coach mules I bought to accompany said outfits. 

I have found the best shopping excuse ever but implemented it with the worse strategy ever... Waiting! 

I am going to leave it there before I give away too much about my newly bought outfits for the pre and post wedding events!